Dads make an immeasurable difference …

Father’s Day is a day I skip. My father wasn’t a man to be celebrated. He was a not a good man, but instead was a mean man and a terrible father. He never once played with me, never taught me, never took time for me. There’s not a day in my childhood I don’t remember being afraid of my father. Fortunately today I’m reading many stories from my friends that are completely opposite, telling of wonderful fathers who blessed their lives. Since my story can’t be one of those to encourage and inspire you, I thought I would share another story that reflects the value of good fathers in our lives. It was originally published by Jack Kammer in the May/June 1995 issue of “Full-Time Dads” …

Men’s movement activist and author Jack Kammer tells a story of the profound difference a dad in the home can make. It was early June, 1992, and he had just wrapped up a conference in the heart of L.A.’s gangland on the need for “a massive infusion of strong, noble, loving, nurturing, healthy masculine energy to counteract America’s malaise, impotence and social pathologies.”

A dad himself, he now just wanted to get home to his family. But he found himself unable to hail a cab, and he couldn’t find a working pay phone (how did we ever live without cell phones?!). Without rapid transport, he was sure to miss his flight which was departing shortly from Los Angeles International Airport. So he decided to take a chance. He approached three Hispanic teens leaning against their car and asked how much they would want to drive him to LAX. One said ten bucks. Doesn’t sound like much by today’s standard, but again, this was 1992. But Kammer said he’d double it if they could get him there on time.

As he climbed into the car, he was keenly aware that this might have been a huge mistake. Rather than missing his plane and getting home late, he might not be getting home at all. He grew nervous as the car headed to the opposite direction of what he would have expected. But a few more twists and turns and he saw a sign for the highway up ahead. He reached into his wallet and handed the driver a twenty, hoping payment in advance would be seen as a goodwill gesture.

“So here I am, guys,” I said. “I sure hope you’re going to take care of me.”

“It’s okay, man,” said the young man in the back seat with him. “We’re good guys.”

I nodded and shrugged, “I sure hope so, because if you’re not, I’m in big trouble, aren’t I?”

They all laughed, and then casual conversation ensued as the boys asked Kammer about where he was from. The boys responded by telling him how tough life is in East L.A. Kammer noted that, “Every issue we men’s movement guys had talked about during our conference was in this car. It was time for a reality check.”

“Tell me about the gangs. Are there gangs at your school?”

“There’s gangs everywhere, man. Everywhere. It’s crazy.”

“Are you guys in a gang?” I asked.

“No way, man.”

“Why not?” I wondered.

“Because there’s no hope in it. You just get a bullet in your head.”

“Yeah, but what hope is there for you outside the gang?”

“I don’t know. I just want to get a future. Do something.”

“What’s the difference between you guys and the guys in the gangs?”

“I don’t know, man. We just don’t want to do it.”

Kammer pressed for an answer, but the boys were not forthcoming. They didn’t seem to be able to articulate for themselves what made the difference. Finally, Kammer took a different approach and asked if the boys had fathers living at home. All three said yes. When he asked about the gang members, they replied, “No way, man. None of them do.”

“So maybe fathers make a difference?” I suggested.

“Absolutely, man. Absolutely.”

“Why?” I probed. “What difference does a father make?”

“He’s always behind you, man, pushing you. Keeping you in line.”

“Yeah. Telling you what’s what,” driver and shotgun agreed.

Before long, Kammer was delivered safely to his destination. He mused about the trip and the three unlikely friends he met on his way to the airport. “I met eighteen amazing men at the conference in the mountains. I am eternally grateful for their wisdom and their urge to heal the nation. But the most amazing men I met on my trip were the three youngest ones, Pablo, Juan and Richard … And the men to whom I am most grateful are the men I never met. The men to whom I am most grateful are their fathers. It was their fathers who got me to the airport. It was their fathers who kept me safe.”

Scripture chimes in with painting a picture of the value of a father in a life …

My children, listen when your father corrects you. Pay attention and learn good judgment, for I am giving you good guidance. Don’t turn away from my instructions. For I, too, was once my father’s son, tenderly loved as my mother’s only child. My father taught me, “Take my words to heart. Follow my commands, and you will live.” – Proverbs 4:1-4

To all the dads out there, Happy Father’s Day!

Scotty