Your mind is the world’s most prolific label maker …

The morning commute is a familiar ritual. You’re trying to merge onto the highway, patiently waiting for a gap, when a car in the next lane suddenly swerves in front of you, without a blinker, forcing you to slam on your brakes. Your heart races, a flash of irritation sparks, and almost instantly, your mind slaps a label on the other driver: “jerk.” This thought-label isn’t based on knowing anything about the person — their full name, their life story, their morning. Maybe they’re rushing to the hospital, dealing with a family emergency, or simply a new driver who made a mistake. But in that split second, your brain’s efficient, but often flawed, labeling machine has already declared them a jerk — and you’ve already started to feel the predictable cascade of frustration and anger that follows.

Another example is the friend who cancels plans at the last minute. Your immediate thought-label is “unreliable.” You feel a pinch of disappointment and maybe a little resentment. This label, too, is a quick reaction. Was the cancellation due to a sudden illness? An unexpected work crisis? A legitimate and unavoidable conflict? By immediately labeling them as unreliable, we shut off the possibility of a more nuanced understanding. Our emotional response is driven not by the full picture, but by the single, emotionally charged label we’ve created.

The trouble with thought labels
These quick, emotional labels are a natural part of how our minds work. Our brains are designed to quickly categorize information to make sense of a complex world. The problem arises when these labels are based on incomplete information and are infused with strong emotions. The thought-labels we create — jerk, unreliable, lazy, stupid, failure, etc. — are rarely just neutral descriptions. They are powerful declarations that shape our emotional reality. If you believe someone is a jerk, you will feel angry. If you believe you are a failure, you will feel hopeless.

This is where a helpful tool from cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) comes in: defining terms. It’s a simple yet effective technique that forces you to pause the brain’s rapid-fire labeling process and ask a critical question: “Is this label accurate?” This isn’t about ignoring your feelings or pretending the situation didn’t happen. It’s about challenging the thought-label that is fueling the negative emotion.

A better way of thinking
The next time you’re about to label someone or something, try this. Take that word — jerk, unreliable, failure — and put it under a microscope. Instead of thinking of the driver as a jerk, ask yourself what happened. A car cut you off. That’s the event. The driver’s action was cutting you off. A person you don’t know performed an action that forced you to hit your brakes. That’s a more accurate, less emotionally loaded description. When your friend cancels plans, instead of labeling them as unreliable, define the term: “My friend canceled our plans at the last minute.” The first thought-label, unreliable, leads to resentment. The second, more precise description, allows for a different emotional response — maybe disappointment, but also room for curiosity and empathy.

This process is not about changing the past or the event itself. It’s about changing what you tell yourself about the event. The goal of defining terms is to replace the emotionally charged thought-label with a more neutral, factual description of what actually occurred. In doing so, you can choose a more rational emotional response and act in a more reasoned way. This seemingly simple practice reveals a fundamental truth: you don’t have to believe every label your mind creates. You can choose to be the editor of your own thoughts, meticulously defining and redefining the world around you, one thought at a time.

Your mind is a tool not a truth teller
The labels we use don’t just describe our world; they interpret it. When we are aware of our tendency to label, we can begin the work of defining. The labels your mind produces are not objective truth; they are just your mind’s first guess. If you’ve ever had an argument with a loved one, you know how quickly your mind creates a label like “selfish” or “uncaring” — thought-labels that can rapidly escalate a conflict. By defining what happened instead of labeling the person, you can say, “When you did x, I felt y,” instead of “You are a selfish person.” One statement opens the door for communication and resolution, while the other closes it entirely. By defining terms, you are not simply rephrasing a thought; you are fundamentally changing the way you perceive and respond to the world, freeing yourself from the emotional tyranny of your own internal, irrational labels.

Scotty