When friendship becomes voyeurism and voting …

How we do relationships, especially friendships, has changed.

You’ve probably read some of the many dramatic newspaper stories and blog posts about how social media is destroying our capacity for quality personal relationships in spite of our constant “connectivity,” articles which often overstate the problem and fail to identify some of the several positive contributions our new state of connectivity has wrought.

But …

It is true that our new entanglement with technology is hampering not only the quality of our relationships, but the quality of friend we are. How that is happening is reflected in this 2011 Fox News story …

Barbie and Ken together again? After 43 years together, the popular doll duo officially split back in 2004 when Barbie found new love in Blaine, an Australian Surfer dude. Ken was heartbroken. But Blaine now seems to be off the scene and Ken is once again courting the blonde bombshell. Really. No, really. You can follow the love drama on their website, or follow their road to reconciliation moment by moment on Facebook and Twitter.

It seems Ken thinks he’s still Barbie’s perfect match, but Barbie is not so sure. “Ken and I have had some fab times,” she recently tweeted. “I’m just not sure what to do.”

So what does a hip young couple do these days when they need to make serious relationship decisions? They put their destiny up for a vote via social media.

No, really. You can actually have a say in whether Ken and Barbie should get back together by casting your vote on their official website. Apparently 43 years together isn’t reason enough to try to make a go of it, though — so far results of the vote are leaning toward, “Let him down easy.” Sorry Ken.

Prior to the technology revolution we have experienced, to be a friend demanded a greater effort from us. In addition to actually spending real face time with someone, staying connected required a telephone call, or finding paper and pen to hand-write a letter. With our embrace of technology, friendships have increasingly become acts of voyeurism and voting — watching the lives of others from afar by subscribing to a friend’s personal blog, viewing their posts and tweets, and occasionally posting an opinion to a public query proffered by a friend. In short, social media has allowed for us to step out of people’s lives to observe and comment but still “feel” connected.

The result is that an overuse of social media can hollow out the love in our relationships.

Authentic friendship is more than just a distant connectivity. Friendship requires love.

I’m not saying the use of technology is anti- friendship, quite the opposite. There are people around the world who have forged new real friendships with people they would have otherwise never met if it wasn’t for the use of technology. But an occasional exchange of sentences on a social media site doesn’t make for an authentic, cherished friendship.

To be a friend, we must purposely step into the lives of another person and love them. We learn from scripture that love is the hallmark of a real friendship.

“A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity,” Proverbs 17:17.

When we are a friend, we don’t stifle our expression of love for our friends. Instead, friendship motivates us to selflessness and self-sacrificial action …

“There is no greater love than to lay down one’s life for one’s friends,” John 15:13.

Unlike so many who bash today’s use of technology, I believe tech and social media can be used to make new friends, and to stay connected with old and new friends. But it is not the full expression of friendship, it is only a tool to help us communicate an attitude of love and care. BUT, we must still step into the lives of our friends and ACTUALLY love them and care for them.

Not just watch and vote.

Are you a voyeur and voter? Or are you a friend?

Scotty