Six tips for restoring date night to its original purpose …

Married couples have made a terrible — yet thoroughly understandable! — mistake, that of making “date night” into something it isn’t intended to be.

Many couples are wisely mentored prior to marriage about the importance of never ceasing to romantically pursue their partner, even after they have tied the knot. Men, especially, have a “conquer” mentality, and are prone to ditch romantic pursuits once they have “conquered” a woman with an “I do” and a ring.

Couples who fail to pursue each other romantically over the course of their marriage can allow love and joy to ebb out of their relationship as it becomes much more “utilitarian” and about “life partners” working together to accomplish all the chores and tasks in life.

Because we cram so much into life, and especially once children are added to the mix, couples look for the increasingly rare opportunities to briefly unplug from the world and relax a little. The problem is, married couples make the mistake of turning their date night into a temporary respite from parenting and chores and make it into a time they use to regroup and discuss all the items on their calendars before going back into the fray for the remainder of the week. In the process, they lose their time ear-marked for romantically pursuing one another for a parenting respite.

If this is a bad habit you’ve fallen into, then it’s time you restore date night to its original purpose!

Here are six tips for making date nights what they should be:

1. A weekly commitment. Loud objections are made about this point, with all kinds of excuses offered as to why having a date night every week is unrealistic. Here’s the thing — your spouse is the person you’re supposed to love second only to God, and your investment in them should reflect that. If you can’t put aside some time every week to invest solely in your spouse, you’re too busy and need to make changes in your schedule so you can have time to date your spouse at least once each week.

2. Eliminate discussions. Date night is not a parental planning meeting or partner scheduling event. Mutually agree that date night will NOT include any discussions about parenting, problems, challenges, schedules, or any of the routines of life. You can have any and all of those discussions at another time in a different setting.

3. Not a respite. Don’t approach date night as a much needed respite from parenting or a busy work life. Otherwise your focus will be personal relaxation rather than romantic pursuit of your partner.

4. Make it a date! Take a shower, brush your teeth, comb your hair, dress up a little — look good, smell good, and act good just like you did when you first were pursuing your spouse to “win” him or her. Guys, PLAN something specific and make a date with your wife.

5. Flirt and otherwise engage with your spouse. Exchange compliments, open doors, hold hands, and steal kisses. Allow the love you feel for your spouse to express itself freely throughout your time together, and let this be the central focus of your date!

6. Avoid getting stuck in a routine. If you go out to dinner, go some place different. Be adventurous! Pursue your mutual interests together, and even be drawn together by trying new things, exploring new places, and enjoying new events together. Have some fun together!

Date night is a wonderful opportunity to plumb the depths of romance with your spouse for your entire lives! Don’t lose that great opportunity by allowing it to degenerate into a parental escape or respite from an exhausting week of work. By the end of a date night, your spouse should feel you made another investment of loving and valuing them and being there with them on that date was what you wanted to do more than anything else.

Scotty