When helping doesn’t help …

Everyone needs help at some time in their lives. Sometimes help is available, sometimes it’s not. And sometimes the help is helpful … and sometimes it’s not!

R.J. Johnson tells the story of a woman who had to get creative about getting some needed help …

When Demi Sweeney, a college student in England, was confronted by a spider on the wall of her apartment, she didn’t know what to do. Terrified of the creature, there was no one nearby to help. That’s when a friend on the phone suggested she call and order food delivery, in the hopes the driver would be willing to kill the offending arachnoid. She received the following message from the food delivery company she contacted:

“You can most certainly request this in the ‘delivery note’ section when placing your order… (adding a spider emoji for extra emphasis). The only thing is, our rider may be more afraid of spiders [sic] than you are…”

When the delivery driver appeared at her door 20 minutes later with her order of KFC, she begged, “Please, you have to help me – I only ordered food for your help.”

After directing Joe, the delivery guy, to the problem, he climbed on a chair and caught the spider and flushed it down the toilet.

“I can’t believe the plan actually worked,” Sweeney wrote. “I thanked him so many times, I literally could have hugged him. He’s a hero.”

Most of us are willing, to some degree, to provide help to someone in need, especially if rendering the help isn’t too demanding, too costly, and we think we can actually help.

But what about those times when helping doesn’t help?

Why is it that in some situations, help is rendered — or at least offered — but the help provided doesn’t help the person in need?

Let’s briefly look at why helping sometimes doesn’t help, starting with the person helped:

The person doesn’t really want help. Some people who seriously need help don’t always want help. They may be too afraid of change, or prefer playing a victim role. Counselors have stated for decades that you have to really want to change in order to really change; the same is true about receiving help, you have to want it to receive it in such a way that it’s helpful.

The person doesn’t understand. Sometimes help offered requires teaching and learning for the help to take hold.

Patience is needed. Not all help is instantly fruitful, often patience is needed to see positive results of help rendered.

Whether help offered is actually helpful doesn’t always depend on the one being helped. Sometimes help isn’t helpful due to issues with the helper, like …

Your motives are wrong. It’s very common that help we offer is based on outcomes we want to see in the life of the other person, even if that’s not the best outcome for them. Instead of looking only at their best interest, we can often help people from selfish perspectives, and that can foil the effectiveness of any assistance offered.

Your insights are wrong. When the helper doesn’t understand what help is needed, the wrong help may be offered. That’s not helpful!

Your methods are wrong. You might have the right motives, and understand what help is needed, but your methods for providing the needed help may not be right. Correct that and you’ll finally be helpful.

One reason why so many people often don’t even try to help when they see people in need is they don’t think what little they can do can really be helpful. Yet, it could be that little bit they’re capable of offering is just enough to make a life-changing difference to someone. The best course of action is to provide what help you’re capable of, even if you don’t think it’s enough, and trust God to fill in the rest.

Scotty