A failure to commit …

Relationships keep us alive.

At least, that’s the claim Dr. Bernie Siegel attempted to substantiate when writing in Homemade:

“Single men are jailed more often, earn less, have more illnesses and die at a younger age than married men. Married men with cancer live 20 percent longer than single men with the same cancer. Women, who often have more close friendships than men, survive longer with the same cancers. Married or not, relationships keep us alive.”

Martin and Diedre Bobgan make a similar argument in the book, “How to Counsel From Scripture”:

“Leonard Syme, a professor of epidemiology at the University of California at Berkeley, indicates the importance of social ties and social support systems in relationship to mortality and disease rates. He points to Japan as being number one in the world with respect to health and then discusses the close social, cultural, and traditional ties in that country as the reason. He believes that the more social ties, the better the health and the lower the death rate. Conversely, he indicates that the more isolated the person, the poorer the health and the higher the death rate. Social ties are good preventative medicine for physical problems and for mental-emotional-behavior problems.”

Even though God has “wired” us as social creatures made for relationship, and we thrive from being in healthy relationships, there is an epidemic of loneliness that has swept across America.

There are multiple reasons behind the cause for a significant increase in reports of loneliness. One reason is a spiritual problem rooted in selfishness as increasing numbers choose to keep more people in the “acquaintance zone” in order to avoid a foundational component for any kind of relationship: commitment.

We tend to think of commitment as a characteristic of marriage, but it’s a necessary part of any kind of healthy relationship whether marriage, friendship, partnerships, being a part of a team, etc.

Why are we so leery about making any kind of commitment to a relationship? Because making a commitment in a relationship requires two things of us:

1. Love. This isn’t warm, fuzzy, romantic feelings kind of love, but real love which means we commit to look after the best interests of the other person.

2. Trustworthiness. To have a connection beyond just an acquaintance with someone, we need to be able to trust them, at least to some degree.

One of the reasons why some people (certainly not all) are finding themselves to be more lonely is an unwillingness to commit to someone the characteristics of love and trustworthiness. It’s much easier to look after your own interests and not be relied upon by anyone. It’s also much lonelier.

Is it any wonder, then, that the Bible instructs Christians both to love everyone (love God foremost, love your neighbors, love your enemies, etc.) and to be trustworthy people …

“So now I am giving you a new commandment: Love each other. Just as I have loved you, you should love each other,” John 13:34.

“Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too,” Philippians 2:3-4.

“Don’t lie to each other, for you have stripped off your old sinful nature and all its wicked deeds,” Colossians 3:9.

To move anyone beyond acquaintance status to “friend” or any other type of relationship will require you to love them and be trustworthy. A failure to commit to doing these two things will likely lead you to a lonelier life that isn’t a healthy way to live.

Scotty