Why your pastor doesn’t want to counsel you …

“I hate counseling” was the blunt statement made by the pastor I was having lunch with.

I’ve heard that before, from many pastors.

In fact, over the years as I’ve had opportunity to meet and get to know many fellow ministers, most of them have said something similar.

Why is it that your pastor doesn’t want to counsel you (or anyone)? Let’s look at a few good reasons:

1. They’re not educated, trained, and equipped to conduct clinical counseling. Going to your pastor, ministerial staff member, elders, or deacons for clinical counseling would be like going to the dentist for a haircut, a florist to rebuild your transmission, or an accountant to fix the leak in your roof. Ability, competency, and skill at clinical counseling requires an entirely different education, training, and equipping than that of going to a Christian college or seminary to prepare for church ministry. Simply put, your minister and church leaders aren’t enabled to conduct clinical counseling, and consider yourself fortunate to not have a minister who likes to “play counselor” even though they aren’t trained to be one.

2. They are not an expert in human behavior. I add this explanation with an asterisk because many ministers have a great deal of insight and skill regarding human behavior because of their studies, preparation, and experience. However, their theological and biblical preparation focuses more on God and some on the plight of humanity while others such as some counselors, therapists, psychologists, etc., focus specifically on what makes humans “tick.” Ministers give themselves to delving into theology, which is the study of God, while others specifically apply themselves to human behavior. Again, many ministers learn a great deal, and develop helpful skills, in addressing issues of human behavior, but it’s not their main area of expertise.

3. They are not a social worker. Many ministers try identify available sources and resources of help for people in need of clinical counseling and other life supports, but they aren’t social workers and shouldn’t try to be. A big HOWEVER, here, though. It was the practical needs of widows that sparked the appointment of the first deacons because the church SHOULD be directly involved in helping meet the needs of people in need. Many churches have dropped having deacons, but perhaps it’s time this important biblical role be reinstated or reinvigorated to help direct the resources of the church to attend to various needs of people who are hurting, suffering, or in real lack.

4. Counseling is not a professional or personal interest beyond the spiritual. Simply put, many ministers just have no interest in counseling that isn’t spiritual counseling. You can’t knock them for that because clinical counseling isn’t their calling, shepherding the flock of God is.

There are good reasons why your pastor doesn’t want to counsel you! But — and let’s talk directly to ministers for a moment — sometimes there are selfish or negative reasons why pastors don’t want to counsel, such as:

They would rather spend their time with other leaders. There has become in the church such an addiction to “leadership” among many pastors that some would rather not spend time with their flock because they would rather spend their time interacting with other leaders.

They don’t want interruptions beyond their core responsibilities. That would be nice, but life — and ministry — is messier than that. The ministry of Jesus was routinely marked by interruptions, and several of those “interruptions” are some of the greatest stories we find in the Gospels. While we do have to guard our time, people are neither interruptions nor projects.

The least positive reasons some pastors don’t want to counsel is they just are not that “into” people. It’s true, some ministers are more interested in the administration of church or ministry and the things they do that don’t require heavy human interaction. I’m not talking about being an introvert; introverts are often highly effective in directly ministering to people. But there are some pastors who aren’t interested in the minutia of human behavior; in fact, I’m increasingly discovering pastors who have little to no interest in providing pre-marital or marriage counseling, seeing that as too far afield from “spiritual” counseling.

As I mentioned earlier, it’s a good thing when a pastor understands his role and limitations and does not “play counselor” with the lives of suffering people who need the help of a skilled clinical therapist. A pastor not trying to do something he’s not equipped to do does NOT mean he doesn’t care! Most of the ministers who say they don’t like counseling care deeply for the people they lead who need counseling, they just understand they’re not the source to provide it.

I share all this to encourage all of us to not attempt to saddle pastors with demands they’re not trained and equipped to provide, and to ministry they aren’t called to. Instead, when there is a need for clinical counseling, pastors should do what they can to connect people in need of such services with competent and skilled Christian clinical therapists who are capable of conducting clinical counseling. EVERY pastor will have people in and outside their congregation who will have need of clinical counseling, so it would be wise for ministers to identify clinical counseling resources they can recommend when needed.

Scotty