Relational insights from the Bible: How NOT to ruin sincere forgiveness and reconciliation …

Joseph — that guy with the splendid coat we read about in the Old Testament — was a remarkable fellow.

Not only was he an administrative whiz, first managing well Potiphar’s household (Gn. 39:1-6), and then the prison he was thrown into (Gn. 39:21-23), and then masterfully serving as governor of all Egypt as second only to Pharaoh (Gn. 41), he also had some wise insight into people.

Joseph had been poorly treated by his brothers. At first, they were going to kill him, then decided on throwing him into a cistern, and finally sold him into slavery to some Midianite traders. He would later be falsely accused of a crime he didn’t commit and spent a few years in prison before things took a turn for the better for him.

Most people in Joseph’s shoes would hold a grudge against brothers like that!

Joseph didn’t.

Genesis 42-45 unfolds the incredible reunion Joseph had with his brothers, eventually leading to their reconciliation and him forgiving his brothers for their treachery. In chapter 45, Joseph sends his brothers back to get their families and his father to come live in Egypt so he could care for them through a famine and they could be together again. As the brothers are heading out of town, we read in Genesis 45:24 these oh-so-wise words:

“So Joseph sent his brothers off, and as they left, he called after them, ‘Don’t quarrel about all this along the way!'”

With some insight into human behavior — and knowing his brothers! — he figured as soon as they got out of sight the brothers would begin the blame game, which had already shown a glimpse of rising as we see in Genesis 42:22, “‘Didn’t I tell you not to sin against the boy?’ Reuben asked. ‘But you wouldn’t listen. And now we have to answer for his blood!'”

But looking back to cast blame and argue what they should have done, they would miss the great joy of forgiveness and reconciliation, and that was what mattered at that moment.

I can’t tell you the number of times over 35+ years of ministry and counseling that I’ve seen couples, families, and others coming out of wonderful, beautiful, sincere expressions of confession, forgiveness, and reconciliation only to risk all of that by beginning to quarrel over what had caused their trouble in the first place!

How foolish!

Once you’ve arrived at a place of forgiveness and reconciliation, embrace it and move forward! Quarreling over who was to blame, or what should have been done, can place at risk the long-needed forgiveness and reconciliation just achieved by stirring up resentment. When you’ve reconciled, go from there, and when you’ve forgiven, move forward with that refreshed heart and mind; don’t give a foothold to resentment.

Scotty