Overcoming “the grass is greener on the other side of the fence” syndrome …

Some people suffer from a miserable syndrome.

It keeps them embroiled in conflict and perpetually discontent.

I call it “the grass is greener on the other side of the fence” syndrome.

This is the malady specifically of the person who deals with life’s challenges with a habit of cutting and running.

Conflict in the workplace?

Get a new job.

Conflict in a relationship?

Drop the relationship.

Conflict in your church?

Join a different church.

This person tends to either ignore issues as long as possible and then cuts ties and runs off to avoid dealing with the issue at all; or, they don’t even ignore the issue for a while, they just cut and run almost immediately.

There are a couple root problems with practicing this ugly syndrome as a means of dealing with life’s challenges.

First, anytime and in any setting where you have two or more human beings, you will occasionally have some level of conflict. It may not be anything serious — you can’t agree on what to have for dinner — or it could be serious moral and spiritual issues. But it is impossible to live life engaged with other human beings without some level of conflict occurring simply because every human being is imperfect, and most of us are more self-centered than not. You can’t outrun this issue.

Second, there’s a profound principle many people really don’t get, but it’s a simple truth. It’s this: no matter where you go, there YOU are. No matter where YOU go, you’ll take along both your strengths AND your weaknesses … and your sin … with you. That will result in conflict with someone at some point. If you don’t learn to deal with your own issues (what you cause, AND your own response to issues others create), and just pack them around from one place or relationship or job or church to another, well you cannot outrun yourself! You’ll face the same issues, just in a different setting with different people.

Let me give you an example.

I had a conversation today with a twenty-something female who recently returned to her old job, but she’s already thinking about transferring to a different location with the same company. The reason is she’s experiencing conflict with one co-worker. She hasn’t tried to address the issue, either directly with her co-worker, or by taking the issue to her manager. Instead, she’s thinking about avoiding the issue by cutting and running.

This young woman is outstanding at customer service, one of the best at it in her current workplace. She also “lives out loud,” you’ll always know (and hear!) she’s there … and just that type of personality rubs some people the wrong way.

In our conversation today, we talked about “the grass is greener on the other side of the fence” temptation is really misleading when your issue is only with a single person but you haven’t even tried to resolve it in any way; but also, no matter where she goes, there she will be. Not just with all her beautiful strengths, talent, and gifts, but also all her weaknesses and those times when she will sin. While the conflict she’s currently experiencing with a co-worker may have a lot to do with the other person, being able to adequately (and directly) deal with normal life issues like that is something she needs to address in herself. The likelihood of her going to a different work location and not have any conflict at all there is really slim, which makes it important that she finally learn how to deal with her own issues.

Are you making life more difficult — and less joyful — by packing around unresolved personal issues? Are you quick to cut and run any time there’s the hint of conflict? Or have you finally learned the truth that the grass is actually greenest … where you water it.

Scotty