Do you understand the words that are coming out of my mouth?

Like me, you’ve probably known some people who have an uncanny (and perhaps a little annoying) ability to quote, with perfect accuracy, lines from movies.

You may have noticed the headline for this blog post is one of those lines, a “famous” one from “Rush Hour” when Chris Tucker, playing Detective Carter, shouts to his odd pairing with Inspector Lee from Hong Kong, played by Jackie Chan. In a moment of frustration when the pair don’t seem to understand one another, Tucker shouts:

“Do you understand the words that are coming out of my mouth?”

Most of us have experienced similar moments — likely many of them — when it seems someone doesn’t understand us, or we don’t understand them, or both!

Sometimes, simple misunderstandings can initially be humorous, such as these tidbits shared by Stuart Strachan:

“While countless children grew up reciting the Lord’s Prayer, it is somewhat unsurprising to learn that many didn’t exactly have the words correct. In an article by Ann Landers of the Chicago Tribune, a variety of hilarious misinterpretations were recounted. One three-year-old for example, thought it was, ‘Our Father who does art in Heaven, Herald his Name.’ Another little boy believed it was, ‘Lead us snot into temptation.’ Two twin daughters used to pray, ‘Give us this steak and daily bread, and forgive us our mattresses.'”

It’s easy when a misunderstanding between people results only in a laugh and perhaps followed by a simple correction. But lack of correctly understanding others, or others correctly understanding you, can be the impetus for serious conflict.

This morning, as I was preparing to launch into a study of the Old Testament book of Malachi, I was reading through some introductory notes in my New Living Translation Study Bible when a sentence from the unidentified writer jumped out at me. He notes, “Three of Malachi’s messages deal with right relationships. The prophet’s premise is that right knowledge is essential to maintaining right relationships.”

Read that again:

“… The prophet’s premise is that right knowledge is essential to maintaining right relationships.”

It is possible to experience conflict with another person even when you have an accurate understanding of them and what they’re communicating to you. But most of our conflict with others has a root source in not fully understanding either the person, their communication, and their circumstances.

Sometimes that lack of understanding is caused by the other person, but often it has far more to do with our own thinking, and how we communicate. Most people are poor listeners — they’re busy formulating what they want to say rather than listening to understand the other person, and the words that are coming out of their mouth.

A pervasive root cause for misunderstanding is our habits and patterns of irrational thinking, often referred to as “cognitive distortions.” For example, common cognitive distortions like jumping to conclusions, mind reading, and fortune telling more often than not result in misunderstanding the other person, or the words spoken by them.

Below is a chart showing the 10 most common cognitive distortions. See if you can relate to thinking like this:

To have a “right” relationship with someone requires having right knowledge about them. Just how well do you understand the people in your life — your spouse? Your children? Your church family? Your co-workers? God?

Scotty