How people ruin a good resolution with the “after argument” …

You’ve done something terrible.

In fact, you believe it’s just about the worst thing you’ve done in your life.

But, only from the grace of God, long after your terrible behavior comes a good resolution of the outrageous sinful act.

Praise God, right?!

I mean, the burden of it all is finally lifted, the matter resolved, and some good days ahead. What could mess that up?

The “after argument.”

We can be so self-centered that, even in times of experiencing the grace of God after our worst behavior, we can still mess up a good resolution.

Couples, families, friends, and co-workers often do this.

So let me explain what the “after argument” is by using an incredible story recorded in the Bible.

In Genesis 37 we begin to read about the life of Joseph at the young age of 17. He was the favorite son of Jacob, and that favoritism spurred his brothers to hate him. So much, in fact, they first thought about killing him, then decided instead to throw him into an empty cistern to die from exposure there, but finally wound up selling him to some Ishmaelite traders on their way to Egypt.

From there, things only got worse for Joseph.

He would be sold as a slave in Egypt and, for a while, be favored by his master, Potiphar. But Potiphar’s lustful wife would make a false claim of attempted rape against Joseph, which would send him to prison for a few years. Joseph would finally be let out of prison after being able to interpret a troubling dream Pharaoh had and, as a reward, Joseph was elevated to the position of governor over all of Egypt, second only to Pharaoh in position and power.

Joseph received such a great reward because in interpreting Pharaoh’s dream, he revealed the nation would experience seven years of prosperity, followed by seven years of famine so severe it would cause the people to forget those years of prosperity. After interpreting Pharaoh’s dream Joseph had recommended to Pharaoh he appoint an intelligent and capable manager to gather and stockpile food resources during the years of prosperity so the nation could endure well the coming years of famine.

Great idea, Joseph got the job and, indeed, became a national hero when things got tough and everyone became hungry.

Even his family back in Canaan.

Jacob sent his sons to Egypt to get food, which would put them bowing in front of Joseph, seeking help.

Now these were the same brothers who wanted to kill Joseph. The same brothers who had thrown him into a cistern to die there. The same brothers who fished him out of that cistern so they could sell him to Ishmaelite traders passing by. The same brothers who, because of their actions, would put him into circumstances that would result in him spending years in prison for something he didn’t do.

Now, Joseph had the perfect opportunity, along with the power in his position, to exact revenge to any degree he wanted.

Instead, as a godly man, he had mercy on his brothers. In fact, he didn’t even hold a grudge, seeing in his mind that God had a bigger plan for him, even from his brother’s horrendous actions:

“‘I am Joseph!’ he said to his brothers. ‘Is my father still alive?’ But his brothers were speechless! They were stunned to realize that Joseph was standing there in front of them. ‘Please, come closer,’ he said to them. So they came closer. And he said again, ‘I am Joseph, your brother, whom you sold into slavery in Egypt. But don’t be upset, and don’t be angry with yourselves for selling me to this place. It was God who sent me here ahead of you to preserve your lives. This famine that has ravaged the land for two years will last five more years, and there will be neither plowing nor harvesting. God has sent me ahead of you to keep you and your families alive and to preserve many survivors. So it was God who sent me here, not you! And he is the one who made me an adviser to Pharaoh — the manager of his entire palace and the governor of all Egypt,” Genesis 45:3-8.

Jospeh wasn’t just merciful with his brothers, he was gracious:

“Now hurry back to my father and tell him, ‘This is what your son Joseph says: God has made me master over all the land of Egypt. So come down to me immediately! You can live in the region of Goshen, where you can be near me with all your children and grandchildren, your flocks and herds, and everything you own. I will take care of you there, for there are still five years of famine ahead of us. Otherwise you, your household, and all your animals will starve,'” Genesis 45:9-11.

There couldn’t have been a better resolution of the awful sin these brothers had committed. This was an opportunity to put an end to a terrible past, and move forward as a reunited and reconciled family.

Fortunately for these brothers, as they were heading back to get their father in Canaan, Joseph dispensed a great piece of wisdom to them to steer them away from the error of the “after argument”:

“So Joseph sent his brothers off, and as they left, he called after them, “Don’t quarrel about all this along the way!” Genesis 45:24.

We’re often so self-centered that, even when experiencing the best possible outcome of a really bad situation, instead of just being thankful, praising God, and moving forward, stepping fully into the freedom from the ugliness now in the past, we instead turn and want to re-open that ugliness by assigning blame or in some way rearguing it.

Without Joseph’s admonition, it’s very likely that as soon as the brothers were out of sight or earshot of Joseph they would have began to blame each other for the past.

“I never thought it was a good idea to throw him in that cistern …”

“It was your suggestion that we sell him to those Ishmaelite traders …”

“Hey, you helped me throw him in!”

“I didn’t see you refuse a cut of the money we got from selling him …”

And on it would go, creating new conflict rather than putting away ugly sin that had just been so graciously forgiven by the one guy it severely harmed.

The argument after a good resolution puts new shackles on people, and causes new harm to relationships, rather than rejoicing in and embracing the reconciliation.

So many people today miss Joseph’s admonition to “not quarrel” about what has just been resolved, and by reopening the past to argue afresh, they ruin the resolution they had momentarily possessed.

When you’ve arrived at a good outcome to a trouble, leave that trouble in the past and step gratefully into the opportunity that resolution offers.

Scotty