There’s nothing “cute” about a bickering communication style in a marriage …

You may have heard someone say, “We bicker a lot, but we really love each other.”

Of those two statements in that sentence, the greater truth is that the couple bickers a lot. What the speaker seems oblivious about is that the act of bickering certainly isn’t an act of love, it’s an act of disrespecting, dishonoring, and often dismissing the person you’re supposed to love second only to God.

Family members and friends of bickering couples, finding themselves uneasy being consistently exposed to such bickering, will often comment that such back-and-forth biting at each other is “cute” in an attempt to cover for the couple.

But it isn’t cute, it’s harmful to the relationship.

In fact, research in marital relationships where couples have a bickering communication style reveal the top five negative effects of a habit of bickering are:

Decreased relationship satisfaction. Research suggests that frequent bickering is associated with lower levels of relationship satisfaction. Couples who engage in constant arguments find it challenging to maintain a positive view of their relationship.

Higher risk of divorce. Studies indicate that a persistent pattern of negative communication, including frequent bickering, can be a predictor of marital dissatisfaction and an increased risk of divorce.

Adverse health effects. Research has linked chronic marital stress, including ongoing bickering, to negative health outcomes. This may include increased risks of cardiovascular problems, compromised immune function, and other health issues for both partners.

Impact on mental health. Bickering and constant conflict within a marriage can contribute to mental health concerns, such as anxiety and depression. The emotional harm caused by frequent arguments can take a toll on the well-being of both partners.

Reduced emotional intimacy. Studies indicate that a bickering communication style usually leads to reduced emotional intimacy between partners. Constant conflict can create emotional distance, making it difficult for couples to connect on a deeper level.

These facts don’t take into account a habit or pattern of bickering is often a reflection of spiritual immaturity and potentially even more serious spiritual issues. Put bluntly, there’s nothing Christlike about persistent bickering.

if you don’t want to harm your marriage, and you really do want to love your spouse, get some help with a pastor or Christian mental health professional to help you overcome your bickering behavior.

Scotty