As hard as some try, you can’t shake the biblical instruction to be gentle …

In the last years of his life, pastor Timothy Keller spoke publicly about the need for Christians to have a more “winsome” approach to addressing issues and disagreements with others. The response was often a mean-spirited attack disguised as a biblical defense for truth and honesty.

As hard as some try, you cannot honestly shake the biblical instruction for Christians to be gentle, but many are trying. Increasingly, what some like to call “tough love” isn’t love at all, it’s just a toughness of heart. Richard Dunagin shares a story of how sometimes, even with initial “good intentions,” we can fail to approach others with gentleness:

At their school carnival, our kids won four free goldfish (lucky us!), so out I went Saturday morning to find an aquarium. The first few I priced ranged from $40 to $70. Then I spotted it — right in the aisle: a discarded 10-gallon display tank, complete with gravel and filter — for a mere five bucks. Sold! Of course, it was nasty dirty, but the savings made the two hours of clean-up a breeze.

Those four new fish looked great in their new home, at least for the first day. But by Sunday one had died. Too bad, but three remained. Monday morning revealed a second casualty, and by Monday night a third goldfish had gone belly up. We called in an expert, a member of our church who has a 30-gallon tank. It didn’t take him long to discover the problem: I had washed the tank with soap, an absolute no-no. My uninformed efforts had destroyed the very lives I was trying to protect. Sometimes in our zeal to clean up our own lives or the lives of others, we unfortunately use “killer soaps” — condemnation, criticism, nagging, fits of temper. We think we’re doing right, but our harsh, self-righteous treatment is more than they can bear.

If we’re going to follow Christ, if we’re going to increasingly become like Christ, it must include being gentle with others because Jesus was gentle. However, many like to attempt to overlook that important truth with arguments via meme like this:

If the King of kings and Lord of lords wants to more directly and firmly teach a lesson or apply discipline, He certainly has the right, position, and authority to do so — but none of us are Him. And it isn’t His authority or toughness that Jesus puts at the forefront to draw us to Him, rather, it’s a gentler approach:

“Then Jesus said, ‘Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light,'” Matthew 11:28-30.

As disciples of Jesus, the Holy Spirit lives in us and is doing a transforming work in our lives to make us more and more like Christ, which includes taking on the gentleness of our Lord:

“But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these things!” Galatians 5:22-23.

And to be clear about it, being gentle people is something we as Christians are directly instructed to be:

“Therefore I, a prisoner for serving the Lord, beg you to lead a life worthy of your calling, for you have been called by God. Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other’s faults because of your love,” Ephesians 4:1-2.

“Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience,” Colossians 3:12.

There is a time a place for real “tough love,” but there really is not a time or place to try to camouflage toughness of heart, or selfishness, or mean-spiritedness as love. If we’re going to follow in the footsteps of Jesus, it will mean growing in learning how to be “humble and gentle at heart” like the way Jesus described Himself.

Scotty