Fostering a dislike for people harms the mission of the church …

Behind the jokes about avoiding people and the casual remarks about having no patience for humanity lies a troubling attitude that many Christians have developed: a strong dislike for people. They openly express their frustration with dealing with others, their preference for avoiding human interaction, and their lack of interest in getting to know people. Such attitudes are often treated as harmless humor or simply a matter of personality, even among believers who profess to care about reaching others for Christ.

The problem is, fostering a dislike for people can have a direct negative impact on the mission of the church, which is evangelism.

Evangelism is the church’s responsibility to make the good news of Jesus Christ known to those who don’t know Him. This involves more than preaching, organizing outreach events, or teaching Christians how to present the gospel. It requires believers to have a genuine concern for people and their eternal destiny. When Christians develop a strong dislike for people, that concern can be seriously compromised. They may continue to affirm the importance of evangelism while their personal attitudes make them increasingly unwilling to participate in it.

The consequences extend well beyond simply not enjoying social interaction. Consider some of the ways this attitude can affect our commitment to reaching others:

1. Concern for people’s salvation diminishes. When we strongly dislike people, their spiritual condition can become less important to us than our desire to avoid them. We may believe they need salvation, but that knowledge no longer produces the concern or urgency that should motivate us to reach them. The eternal destiny of others becomes an accepted theological reality rather than something that genuinely moves us.

2. The motivation to evangelize weakens. Reaching people requires a willingness to give of ourselves. It means making an effort to engage with those outside our immediate circle rather than limiting our attention to people we already enjoy being around. When dealing with people generally feels unpleasant, evangelism can become an obligation we acknowledge but have little personal desire to pursue.

3. The church becomes increasingly disconnected from the people it needs to reach. When Christians prefer to avoid people, their relationships and activities can become increasingly concentrated within the church. They may have extensive involvement in church life while having little meaningful connection with the surrounding community. This creates a serious problem for evangelism because the church cannot effectively reach people it has little interest in knowing.

4. Compassion for others is replaced by irritation and indifference. A general dislike of people can cause us to become preoccupied with their shortcomings, behavior, and demands rather than recognizing their needs. We become less inclined to care about their circumstances or consider what they may be experiencing. This is particularly damaging to evangelism because genuine concern for people’s spiritual condition should move us beyond our personal feelings about them.

5. We become unwilling to invest in reaching people. Effective evangelism often involves more than a single conversation. It requires an investment of time, attention, and genuine interest in others. Christians who strongly dislike people may be unwilling to make that investment, particularly when relationships require patience or personal inconvenience. Consequently, their opportunities to influence others spiritually become limited.

6. Our attitude contradicts the message we proclaim. Christians proclaim a message of God’s love and offer of reconciliation, yet a persistent expression of disdain for people sends a conflicting message. Those who see little evidence of genuine concern in our attitudes and behavior may question the sincerity of our faith and our reasons for wanting to reach them. Our dislike can become a stumbling block to the very message we want people to receive.

7. A failure to welcome and nurture those who respond to the gospel. Evangelism does not end when someone accepts Christ. New believers need encouragement, Christian fellowship, instruction, and help becoming established in their faith. When Christians have little genuine affection for people, they may be reluctant to invest in these new relationships. Someone who has recently come to Christ can consequently find themselves surrounded by believers who are more interested in their established friendships than in helping a new Christian grow. This can leave converts feeling isolated at a particularly important stage of their spiritual lives.

Jesus provides an important example of the distinction between frustration with people and allowing that frustration to become a general dislike of them. In Matthew 17:17, Jesus expresses His exasperation with the faithlessness and corruption of the generation around Him: “Jesus said, ‘You faithless and corrupt people! How long must I be with you? How long must I put up with you? Bring the boy here to me.'”

His words are direct. Jesus was genuinely frustrated with the people around Him, yet He did not allow that frustration to prevent Him from helping the boy who needed deliverance. He proceeded to address the situation and heal him. His frustration with people’s shortcomings did not become a reason to withdraw His care or refuse to help those in need.

Matthew 9:36 provides an equally important picture of His attitude: “When he saw the crowds, he had compassion on them because they were confused and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd.”

These passages need to be considered together. Jesus did not pretend that people’s behavior and lack of faith were never frustrating. However, His frustration did not displace His compassion, diminish His concern for their needs, or prevent Him from ministering to them. His love and compassion were greater than His frustration. This is an important distinction for Christians. We will inevitably encounter people whose behavior irritates us, but we must not allow those experiences to develop into a general dislike of people that undermines our concern for their being reconciled to God.

Overcoming this problem requires more than simply trying to be friendlier or forcing ourselves to socialize. We need to recognize that a strong dislike of people can become an attitude that conflicts with our responsibilities as ambassadors for Christ. This requires an honest examination of why we have developed such negative feelings. Are we allowing selfishness, pride, resentment, unrealistic expectations, or an unwillingness to tolerate differences to determine how we regard others? Have we become so accustomed to concentrating on people’s faults that we rarely consider their needs or circumstances? Recognizing these influences is essential if we are going to change.

We must also stop reinforcing our dislike through constant complaints, ridicule, and negative generalizations about people. Continually expressing how unpleasant others are can strengthen an attitude that is already damaging our relationships and our willingness to evangelize. Instead, we should deliberately challenge our negative responses and ask God to change the way we regard others. This includes praying for people we find particularly difficult, asking God to develop genuine compassion in us, and making a conscious effort to treat others with patience and consideration. It does not mean approving of inappropriate behavior or abandoning reasonable personal boundaries. It means refusing to let personal irritation determine whether we care about someone.

Church leaders also need to address this issue directly. Evangelism training should not concentrate exclusively on methods of presenting the gospel while overlooking the attitudes believers bring to the people they are trying to reach. Christians need to understand that effective evangelism requires more than knowing what to say. It requires a genuine concern for the people hearing the message and a willingness to reach them even when doing so is difficult. Leaders should encourage congregations to examine whether their attitudes toward people reflect the compassion modeled by Christ.

We do not have to enjoy everyone’s company, approve of their behavior, or develop close relationships with everyone we encounter. However, we must not allow personal dislike to determine how much concern we have for their souls. When we find ourselves wishing we could avoid people altogether, perhaps the most important prayer is not that God would change the people around us, but that He would change our hearts toward them. The people we find most difficult to like must never become the people we are unwilling to reach with the gospel.

Scotty